In case of emergency, call a Six

Several years ago, I travelled to India. I remember my first day being completely overwhelmed by the sensory overload. I have a high sensitivity to noise and visual input, and was wondering whether I had made a mistake, when a voice in my head said, ‘Surrender to it’.

I sat quietly pondering the advice. Looking out of my window at the cacophony of traffic, smells, colours, noise, poverty and joy, it struck me that this is precisely what India is; a lesson in surrender.

It was clear to me that if I tried to fight against India, I would lose.

So I took the advice and in the surrender, I found so much love for it all.

The makeshift homes constructed from corrugated metal sheets and plastic tarps, the honking rickshaws, the rubbish. The chanting that emanates from the temples, the smells that waft from the street vendors. The sparkling saris, the fragrant marigolds.

It’s a beautiful, chaotic embrace that challenges you to find peace within the circumstances in which you find yourself. Not somewhere else. Not later. Not in a more still or pristine or conducive environment. Right there. In the streets.

Surrender or struggle. It’s your choice. 

At one point in the trip, I found myself slightly unwell. The kind of unwell that finds you wanting to be close to a bathroom at all times.

I was sharing my room with a friend to whom I mentioned my sickness. ‘Wait!’ she said, ‘I have something for you!’ and proceeded to grab her suitcase from the wardrobe.

As she unzipped it on her bed, I was taken aback at the sheer number of bottles, pill boxes and tinctures she unveiled.

‘What is happening right now?’ I asked.

‘I came prepared’ she smiled.

Sixes, this is why we love you so much.

 

Sixes: The Loyalists 

Enneagram Sixes are known as the Loyalists. I think of them as the quintessential team players. They thrive when working together and achieving collective goals. They’re reliable, with a deep sense of responsibility. They’re security-oriented and look to create stability and safety in their environments. And because they’re excellent at anticipating potential threats, Sixes show up on holidays with a case full of medicines, ‘Just in case’.

At the more unhealthy end of the spectrum (every Enneagram point can be expressed healthily or unhealthily), they’re more like Preppers stockpiling supplies and ready for anything from natural disasters to economic downturns.

During brunch at a 6 friend’s house one day, I remember going to her pantry to grab something we needed to take to the table. I opened the door and stood for a moment in shock. ‘Is the end of the world upon us and you forgot to tell me?’ I asked as I scanned the row upon row of tinned food. She smiled and responded, ‘You never know!’

Sixes are also the people - along with Twos - who are most likely to remember your birthday and bring a thoughtful and practical gift to you in times of trouble.

Although incredibly competent people, in their constant alertness to potential threats, Sixes can experience extreme anxiety, self-doubt, and start catastrophising about everything that might go wrong in their lives or in the world at large.

Fortunately, this fear is balanced by the commitment and competency they apply to most problems, always sticking around until an issue is resolved.

There are only three Enneagram points that might have made their pantry look so organised; Sixes, Threes or Ones.

Industries that are Six-ish in their behaviour and that value a Six’s expertise include:

• emergency services

• risk management

• health care

• project management

• industry regulation

• life planning (think home organisation, personal finance, and/or productivity tips)

• the legal profession

• human resources

• teaching

• cyber security, and

• the not-for-profit sector.

In storytelling, they appear as characters who embody loyalty, caution, and a strong sense of responsibility. They’re typically working through challenges associated with security, trust, and/or managing their anxieties.

Last week I mentioned Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes as a classic Five. His sidekick Dr. John Watson is a Six, providing both support and a skeptical, grounded perspective. (In their pursuit of practical information Sixes can also be very skeptical. At their unhealthiest, they become conspiracy theorists. At their most healthy, they question norms to test the veracity of an idea. The principle of peer review within the scientific community, for example, was surely concocted by a Six.)

In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, when Hermione Granger uses a magical bag to carry essential supplies, including camping gear, food, and other necessities, I’m sure every Enneagram Six felt a moment of kindred spirit-hood.

Samwise Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings is a classic representation of the loyalty and dependability of a Six and Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games uses her quick thinking and resourcefulness to navigate dangerous situations, in a manner that all Sixes would recognise.

Literary genres that are most Six like in their expression are mysteries and thrillers. Both resonate with the Enneagram 6’s focus on analytical, problem-solving, and their preoccupation with navigating and managing potential risks.

Also, the podcast Against the Rules with Michael Lewis is an example of a Six-oriented show and well worth checking out if you’re not familiar with it.

 

When Sixes take on Eights 

The Clinton-Trump Presidential campaign of 2016 is a classic example of Enneagram 6 taking on an Enneagram 8. Clinton’s campaign focused on security, stability, and adopted a meticulous, detailed, and pragmatic approach to policy (classic Six). Trump on the other hand adopted a very direct and assertive style. He focused on challenging the status quo, ran pretty loose with the facts, and adopted a confrontational stance throughout (hello unhealthy Eight).

Ultimately the Eight won that battle and is back in the ring again. However this time his opponent is either a Three or possibly a healthy expression of the Eight.

Either point can work in Harris’ favour. The Three is driven and great at maintaining a positive image. The Eight is likely to push right back against a fellow Eight, revelling in the tussle.

 

A Six’s visibility blocks 

Six’s visibility challenges are rooted in their anxiety, vigilance, and desire for security. Here are some common challenges:

1. Fear of judgment: Sixes worry about being judged or criticised and can be hesitant to put themselves in the spotlight or share their ideas openly.

2. Perfectionism: Sixes’ focus on reliability and correctness can make them overly cautious, resulting in procrastination or excessive self-editing.

3. Self-doubt: This corrosive force can undermine a Six’s confidence in their visibility efforts. They can question the value of their contributions, which prevents them from fully embracing opportunities for visibility.

4. Reluctance to stand out: As I’ve already noted, Sixes often prefer to work behind the scenes or in supporting roles, rather than being in the forefront.

5. Fear of exposure: A Six’s fear of being exposed or found out as inadequate or incompetent can make them reluctant to showcase their achievements or take credit for their work.

6. Overemphasis on group consensus: Because Sixes value group harmony, this can sometimes lead to a reluctance to assert their ideas if they fear it might disrupt group dynamics or lead to conflict.

 

Visibility tips for Sixes

Lean into your Strengths: your reliability, thoroughness, and ability to anticipate problems are qualities that not only demonstrate your value but also generate trust.

Preparation is your core strength. Use it! You can use your natural tendency to be detail-oriented and prepared to your advantage. It’s part of what makes you unique and will help you stand out in any environment. Also, being well-prepared helps to reduce your anxiety and increases your confidence.

Seek supportive networks: You’re good at relationship building, so are probably already doing it in some way. Supportive colleagues, mentors, or peer groups will be able to offer you encouragement and feedback, mitigating feelings of self-doubt and providing a safety net as you increase your visibility.

Create a visibility plan: Are there any Sixes that don’t love a good plan? By developing a strategic plan for increasing your visibility, you’ll feel more in control, better organised, and your commitment to doing a good job will keep you on track and moving forward. (I have a Six-wing, which is what I leaned fully into when I created the Visibility Strategy Kit. My Six-ish self didn’t like not knowing whether I’d covered all the aspects I needed to think about to be consistently and sustainably visible. Having a plan helped enormously in settling my restless mind, keeping it focused on the task at hand, and regulating my nervous system.)

Turn to AI: here’s what I do whenever I feel myself slipping into Six territory and doubting my ability to even construct a sentence; I ask ChatGPT. Truly, a good portion of my interaction with ChatGPT sounds like this; ‘Hello, can you tell me if this sentence is grammatically correct, sounds ok, makes sense, is as clear as it could be?’ I can’t tell you how much I appreciate having an editor and enthusiastic cheerleader at my fingertips. Plus, it never gets tired, needs a break, or snarks back at you. What more could you possibly need from a team member? Give AI a chance to erase those doubts for you. You’ll be pleased you did.

Finally, although not specifically visibility-related, Sixes, it will help you enormously to remember the lesson I learned in India; surrender. All of that anxiety you experience is sourced in a need to anticipate and control. The antidote to that is surrender. To let go. To get comfortable with winging it from time to time. To trust that the people around you have got your back, just as you have theirs. It’s going to take practice and you’re going to have to wrestle with your old friend doubt, but I promise, it will be worth it.

 

To the rest of the Enneagram, let your takeaway from this investigation of the Six be this; Sixes cohere your friendship, family, and peer groups. Not through self-sacrifice (hello Twos ❤️) but through organisation and fairness. They set standards and remember to account for everyone.

So when they’re feeling anxious, even if you don’t understand their reaction, remember to give them some of the same consideration they give you. Give them love. Hold them close. Let them know they’re supported. And be as practical as you can. They’ll love you for it.