Nurturers unite!
Nov 18, 2024
Hello Twos!
Let’s begin with a thank you. Thank you for all you do to make people feel special, loved, and understood. I see how much you do for others and hope that the people in your life appreciate you and your efforts. 💕🫶💓💛❣️
Enneagram Twos are characterised by their desire to be loved and appreciated through their supportive actions. They’re generous, caring, empathetic, and often prioritise helping the people around them.
They thrive in relationships where they can be nurturing and supportive, whilst also having partners who appreciate and reciprocate their care. Without that reciprocation, they can start to feel like door mats, resentful that they’re being taken for granted.
Two industries
Industries that are Two-ish or which value a Two’s expertise include:
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health care and social services (with such a capacity for emotional support, Twos are ideal for roles focused on helping individuals navigate personal challenges. This is also why they’re great in therapeutic and coaching roles)
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education and child care (where they’ll often go the extra mile to assist students and creative supportive and nurturing learning environments)
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human resources (where their people skills and empathy make them the right kind of people to attend to employee needs)
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hospitality and event planning (and really, any role where they can make others feel welcome and cared for)
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customer relations and community managers (NB: all business owners and employers; when you’re hiring for these roles, look for Enneagram Twos. Particularly for the customer service roles. They will take good care of your people. Enneagram Sevens are also very good at being community managers - bringing fun and enthusiasm to community spaces - but will be less patient than a Two when it comes to resolving problems).
Motherhood is moulded on Enneagram Twos
The stereotypical role of motherhood is closely aligned with Enneagram Twos. The expectation that mothers be loving, nurturing, self-sacrificing, eternally patient, and empathetic are essentially the same characteristics you see in Enneagram Twos.
This generally works out well if you’re an Enneagram Two. For the rest of the Enneagram, it can feel like being forced to wear a set of clothes that don’t quite fit. Even when you do your best to wear the clothes, you’ll be accused of not being loving enough, empathetic enough, or thoughtful enough.
My advice? Don’t try to adopt faux Two behaviour. Just be the healthiest version of your Enneagram type. Women and girls don’t want to be shoehorned into one Enneagram point. There are nine points, with 27 subtypes (an aspect of the Enneagram teaching we won’t be going into in this series). Let’s use the Enneagram to show the world the many more faces of motherhood.
Also, some Enneagram Twos, particularly Twos at the more unhealthy end of the spectrum, can make it difficult to talk realistically about motherhood. If you mention that you’re finding motherhood challenging or unrewarding at times, some Twos will react as though you’ve just told them you’re thinking about eating your baby for dinner.
So, when you’re feeling exhausted and over it, or like motherhood is getting the best of you, there are other Enneagram points to turn to. Sixes, Sevens, and Eights are all going to be much more realistic about the demands of motherhood and Nines are going to be very sympathetic to whatever it is you’re facing. Start there. Twos do want to support you but also, complaining about sacrificing yourself for the good of a loved one, doesn’t sit that well with an Enneagram Two.
Enneagram 2s in storytelling
Unsurprisingly, Enneagram Twos show up as nurturers in storytelling. Some of my other favourite Enneagram Two archetypes are:
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the self-sacrificing heroine (who puts others’ needs above her own, often leading to personal struggle and/or burnout),
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the emotional anchor (serving as the emotional glue in a friendship group, for example, sustaining relationships and offering support during crises),
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the flawed helper (hello, co-dependants and people-pleasers), and
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the unrequited lover (the one who gives love and support without receiving the same in return).
Some examples from famous stories include; Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings, Jasmine from Aladdin (Disney), and Aunt May from Spider-Man.
Similarly, the selflessness and desire to care for others exemplified by Jane Bennet from Pride and Prejudice and Anne Elliot from Persuasion are characteristics reminiscent of Enneagram Twos.
Literary genres that appeal to Enneagram Twos include romance (obviously), coming-of-age stories (which can provide a good emotional journey for the Two to enjoy), feel-good novels and fiction that’s focused on relationships, women’s experiences, and personal growth (themes of support, connection, and self-discovery all appeal to Enneagram Twos).
Social media platforms
Anything that allows an Enneagram Two to connect, share, and support others will work here. Think Facebook where they can share photos of the people they love and Facebook groups where they can show up as helpful community members. Equally, Instagram (sharing moments of kindness and connection), Pinterest (think crafts, recipes, or self-care), and Reddit (where they can offer advice and empathy in discussions) will all suit a Two.
Visibility blocks
After working with many Twos over the years, I’ve decided that a Two’s greatest visibility block arises as a result of their people-pleasing tendencies. Here’s how it works; their strong desire to be liked and to meet others' expectations causes them to prioritise others' needs over their own. When this happens - day after day and week after week - the cumulative effect is that others become visible whilst the Two stays invisible behind the scenes. They always mean to get onto their own work but find they’re so busy supporting everyone else that they never quite get there.
Closely associated with this, is their willingness to self-sacrifice for the good of others. At some point, choosing to be visible means choosing yourself, and putting yourself forward. Enneagram Twos, if you want to be visible, you have to actively choose to make yourself the priority (at least some of the time).
Over-committing and problems with setting boundaries are the other really big issues for a Two when it comes to being visible. Their discomfort with setting boundaries and their desire to both be helpful and be seen to be helpful, sees them taking on too much responsibility. This often leads to burnout and overwhelm with no time for their own business, projects, needs, and/or ideas.
To the rest of the Enneagram
At some point, an Enneagram Two’s need to love and be loved might start to feel a little sickly sweet to you. If and when that happens, remember this; all image points (the Twos, Threes and Fours) are working on the issue of self-worth. At some point, each attached to the idea that they weren’t enough.
There are a lot of ways a human being can respond to this feeling. Twos have compensated by pushing more love into the world. That’s a pretty lovely choice to make.
So in those moments when the rose-coloured glasses of the Two become far too rosy for you, try to dig deep into your empathetic self and remember, there’s a little person inside that Enneagram Two who just wants to be reassured that they are loving enough and worthy enough. Also, try to remember to buy them a bunch of flowers (or some other thoughtful gift) every now and again. They’ll say they don’t expect anything in return for all the love they give, but trust me, your small acts of thoughtfulness will mean the world to them.
