The courage to upset another

Often women will say to me ‘I don’t want to speak up because I’m worried about someone disagreeing with me, or of causing an argument, or about upsetting people’. I completely understand that. I was reminded recently of just how much courage you need to speak up and share your truth, especially when you know the person listening might not want to hear what you have to say.

As a 1:1 coach for many years, I had to get comfortable with gently holding a mirror to clients so they could see things about themselves they didn’t want to see.

I’m a pretty upfront sort of person. I like to know where I stand with people and I really dislike the feeling that someone is manipulating me to get the outcome they want (especially when they’re manipulating me in the nicest possible way. I REALLY hate that. Give me a straight … [Read More...]

The huge issue the personal development world is not focused on

A strong theme of individualism informs English speaking, capitalist societies. Perhaps because of that, the personal development and wellbeing movement that’s evolved is very focused on the experience and identity of the individual. Teachers instruct you to focus on who you are, what you want to manifest, and what your dreams are for your life and for your family. In some yoga and meditation classes, Eastern teachings will guide you to open your heart and set an intention for the planet, or to practice loving kindness to all beings. But on the whole it’s, ‘Manifest this to be more wealthy, use this exercise to be more happy, try this to be more healthy’. It’s mind boggling in its self absorption.

In a world where even those who are trying to live a more conscious life are driven by self interest, unconscious blindness is easily perpetuated. The impact of systemic inequality … [Read More...]

Have you ever experienced this?

Recently, in my role as co-founder of Australian Women’s Day, I’ve been sending out notice after notice after notice about the day, connecting with as many women’s organisations as possible.

In the process of sending many emails I’ve stumbled across a form of visibility I’m calling ‘visibility by association’.

Visibility by association works like this; the more connected to a big and established brand you are, the more confident you feel. So for example, when I worked within Government, I didn’t feel at all uncomfortable about calling people, or sending out invitations, or really approaching people about anything at all because my approach came with the gravitas of a government agency behind me. I felt the same when I worked for corporations and for large NGOs.

At the time I assumed that meant I was a confident person. I certainly felt confident in my interactions.

In hindsight, it wasn’t … [Read More...]

Do you know about the layers of visibility?

Visibility isn’t a one time thing. It’s a journey. There are layers. With each layer you travel through you lean into a deeper level of understanding about yourself and you are seen for more and more of the truth of yourself.

In today’s video I speak about 4 specific layers we move through:

Wanting to be seen in order to be acknowledged for who we are and what we do
Wanting to be heard so that we might be better understood for our opinions and ideas
Wanting to be valued – seen for more of the truth of yourself, as different from others, as special, as unique
Turning inward to see the truth of yourself and then allowing that to be seen by the world.

We cycle through these layers at different times in our life. Various circumstances and experiences looping us through them. In the video I explain them … [Read More...]

I’ll be more visible when…

One of the greatest hurdles to visibility I’ve seen in my own business and in my students is the idea of holding off on visibility. “I’ll be more visible when I lose weight, when I’ve had my hair done, when I get a better office to make videos from, when I have more time, when I have more money.”

We do this in a whole raft of areas in our life right? I’ll make more money when… I’ll write that book when… I’ll live my dream life when…

This week I found another really subtle delay tactic that’s been keeping me from being more visible. I saw it in light of a fairly big blow up on social media around the launch of Danielle LaPorte’s new program. If you don’t know Danielle, she’s a personal development teacher most well known for the creation of the Desire Map. Recently she released … [Read More...]