The Visibility Compendium, July 2019
We covered some juicy topics in July; the one thing you can’t be doing if you want to call yourself an intersectional feminist, the visibility flavour of entrepreneurship, the value of listening if you want to be a good leader, and one key action to take if you’re feeling depleted, particularly as a mother. Below is where you can scroll through everything we shared and catch up on all the goodness. So grab a cup of tea, wine, or kombucha and let’s get into it!
FROM THE BLOG
Failure to act
[Topics: visibility blocks | women speaking up]‘…in encouraging you to take action, I’m not suggesting you quit your job and spend every waking minute initiating conversations about race or class or sexuality.
I’m saying, when the situation arises, have the courage to speak up.
I can think of many people in my life who haven’t spoken up in such moments. I can see them looking at me disapprovingly, rolling their eyes, or implying that it’s me who’s the problem.
It never seems to be the racist couple or the sexist guy that’s the problem. It’s always the person who points it out. The troublesome woman who won’t let it go.
I would love to live in a world where women lead in this way; by drawing a line in the sand of all conversations.
A line that says, ‘Think again about your unexamined prejudices. I will not allow this level of unconsciousness to be perpetuated in my presence.’
I’d love to live in a world where women realise the power they have to create change. Where they know that a conversation in their homes, amongst their circle of friends, with their facebook followers, in their church group, or in their school community can change people’s lives. That speaking up and showing others an alternative, matters deeply.
Entrepreneurial visibility has a flavour all of its own
[Topics: business | visibility]As a gender we’re great at supporting and encouraging others, at following the rules and getting good grades, at juggling a million responsibilities. Self promotion though? That’s another story all together.
In order to promote yourself and your work in a healthy way, you have to couch it in self love and self worth, in self acceptance and in a deep knowing that your contribution matters. You need to get comfortable with being seen and heard by others, without feeling attached to their response.
That, my friend, is why we do visibility block clearing work. Because if you’re like most women, somewhere along the way you received the message that not everyone should presume the right to be seen on their own terms and/or to take up space in the public debate.
Somewhere along the line, you saw or read or heard messaging which said; that level of visibility is a privilege that’s only available to the few – to men, white people, heterosexuals, ably bodied, thin, good looking people, the ‘chosen ones’, and the geniuses – but not to the rest of us.
It’s time to release that conditioning. To see where these stories have caused psychological, emotional and/or energetic blocks, and how they’re impacting on your capacity to make money, build a career, have a fulfilling life, and determine your own destiny.
Conversations
This ? I love. Jackie Huggins is an Indigenous Australian author, historian and Aboriginal rights activist of the Bidjara Central Queensland and Birri-Gubba Juru North Queensland peoples.
Like so many Indigenous leaders, Jackie knows how to speak up effectively because she practices listening. To her people. To the truth that’s shared in silence and between the veils of untruths.
In ‘Women Speaking Up’ we train you in a new way of understanding what leadership is. In the West we’re so filled up with patriarchal ideas of leadership. But leadership isn’t about needing to be seen as the one in charge, or directing everyone to do exactly what you want them to do, or taking heroic action and taking down enemies (be they other nations or commercial competitors). Every mother knows that’s how toddlers try to lead.
Real leadership – adult leadership – is about standing firm in the knowing of who you are and what purpose you’re here to fulfil. It comes from a place of wholeness. It’s about embodying the energy that fuels you; that enables you to make the unique contribution you’re here to make in the world.
Genuine leaders create circles not hierarchies. They lead by listening and seeing others in their truth. They don’t speak over the top of people, deny other people’s experiences, or constantly centre their own experience.
Patriarchy has warped our perception of leadership, just as it’s warped our perception of time, of money, and of what really matters in the world.
It’s time to stem the tide and bring the world back into harmony.
When I have nothing to give, I give to me
Last week I felt so depleted, like I had nothing left in the tank for anyone or anything.
As I lay in bed over the weekend trying to catch an hour’s sleep (without interruption from little ones), a thought came to me; ‘I will not operate from a place of lack and depletion. When I’ve nothing to give, I give to me, I fill me up. Then the rest of the world gets what’s left over.’ It’s something I’ve taught many times; you have to give from the overfill, not from the bottom of your tank. And yet there I was telling myself that when it comes to parenting sometimes you just have to give what you’ve got, even when you’ve got nothing.I didn’t know how it would happen but I made a commitment to myself in that moment to function from a place of wholeness, of abundance. That first and foremost I would tap into fullness and operate from there. Then I just let it all go and slept for a bit.
Since that time a few things have happened: (I) a delicious breakfast has been delivered to my bedside table the last two mornings – thank you @ozpics ?, (II) I stumbled across some incredible women who are organisational geniuses and exactly what I need right now to feel supported in the business, and (III) I’ve received wonderful support from @anj_fen on a writing project we’re cooking up. ?
So, I leave you with this thought; when things seem out of your control, it’s so useful to make a firm decision about your own line in the sand. About what you need. Then declare it to the universe even if you’re not sure how it might be delivered upon. And finally, show the universe you’re serious by giving to yourself that which you’ve been asking for.
Claiming your worth and declaring what you need are extremely powerful things.
So, what do you need today?(Side note; the books on my bedside table upon which breakfast has been delivered of late are Helen Garner’s ‘Everywhere I Look’ – wonderful – and ‘The Best Australian Essays 2017’ – I haven’t dug into those yet.) .
WHAT WE SAW
All the Rage
It’s from the Sydney Writers’ Centre and is a conversation between two American writers Brittney Cooper (author of Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower) and Rebecca Traister (author of Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger), facilitated by Santilla Chingaipe.
The two guests are so eloquent and articulate. They describe so clearly how patriarchy keeps women silent and suppresses emotion. They talk about the intersection between race and gender inequality and the ways that black women’s anger and white women’s anger are both perceived and used very differently. They speak about the relationship between anger and power.
The Good Girl Archetype is Dangerous
I speak about the good girl archetype a lot. She’s a patriarchal creation that conditions girls and women to be compliant and to smile in the face of sexism and misogyny.
The good girl is the one who whispers ‘Be nice’ when the situation actually calls for you to step back, walk away, not smile, and/or not be accommodating.
This episode of Super Soul Conversations has some of the best practical tips for women on personal safety (if you’re an Oprah fan you’ll never forget the episode she did years ago about being attacked and NEVER allowing yourself to be taken to the second location. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, please listen in. This tip alone has saved many women’s lives.)
The thing that really struck me as I was listening was just how dangerous the good girl archetype is. How she puts you in harm’s way. How she overrides your intuitive knowing and convinces you that being polite and playing along is the right thing to do.
NB: The episode does require a trigger warning – it’s about violence against women and contains descriptions of women being attacked and raped – so keep that in mind.
If you’re a mother, there’s a particularly useful part toward the end about the kinds of conversations you need to have with your children about what child molesters do and don’t look like (NB: they don’t look like the boogey man. They look like regular men).
Finally, if you know your good girl is still keeping you playing nice and you’re ready to be unapologetically you, please pick up our class ‘Unlocking the Good Girl’ here. The good girl needs to go.
This is a great conversation.
